meh. and songs.

I keep starting entries and not finishing them, because I don’t really know what to say. The problem with having something to say is that I live my job, and then I go to school, and I don’t really do a lot of other things. I don’t remember the last time I went to a movie theatre, I haven’t seen my parents or my sister in a couple weeks,

Thank G-d for this day off tomorrow. Not that I really have the day off, since one of my jobs decided that every time I have a day off, I have a meeting at Hillel, and that made me schedule work at Safe Ride as well, since I’d already be on campus. But just the fact that I got to take a nap this afternoon and not worry about when I had to wake up was absolutely brilliant. Now for a little piano practice, and then off to an excellent party. Tonight will be a good night.

I read a compilation of interviews in a book called Song, by editors of American Songwriter. I skipped quite a few, because the book is nearly 400 pages long, and after awhile I’m not too interested in country music, but there were many of them that were just fabulous. I’ve scarcely been writing lately, but songs are something that are coming a bit easier to me now. When I look at them again, I think that they’re probably not that good, but I probably shouldn’t second guess myself. A lot of songs look like they suck if you just look at the lyrics, but somehow they work. And I may as well try them out. Next step, writing music. That’s the really hard part for me. And does anyone want to give me Garage Band lessons?

it’s been too long without some angst

i want love to love me back
i want two way conversations
i want love to love me back
one that can handle any situation
i want love to love me back

I adore Mandy Moore. And I just feel like echoing that sentiment today. Leaving choir today, some off-hand comment led to me saying, “Boys don’t like me,” which is generally true, to which Catherine replied, “Oh, they do,” to which I replied, “No, they use me and abuse me,” which is largely true as well, so Catherine said, “But they like you for that,” and then I said, “I’m just a toy for boys.”

A wholly uninteresting story, I know.

I don’t quite adore school this semester, though that’s mostly because I’ve gotten used to not having to do work, and this semester is going to be nothing but reading, researching, or going to work. Once again, I have three jobs. I’m crazy, and I can’t quite figure out why, except that I seem to hate free time. I don’t know where I’ll find time to write or read books, but I’m trying. I also want to finish some songs and make recordings, at least Garage Band-y ones, so that I can feel good about that. It should get easier since I’ll be taking piano lessons again (!).

Now, if the weather could just cool off and if I could stop having morning asthma attacks while I bike…

(New playlist up!)

de-contextualizing

I’m lyric diving. It’s so much fun. I have this notebook where I write down random lyrics from songs that stand out that I really love, for their language, for their sentiment, for their rhyme, for whatever. There are some that, when taken completely out of context, mean something different from their original song, and sometimes I can no longer remember what song that is, unless I figure out a rhythm and a tune to read the words to. It’s a fun game that you can play over and over again.

I’m also doing stuff with bits of lyrics that I’ve been writing lately. I have a couple choruses and good melodies, but verses are so much harder. I don’t want to cop out and only do like one verse, a million times the chorus, and a bridge. That’s weak. I need to learn garage band and guitar; that would help. And I want a piano that I don’t hate, like my piano rather than the one that came with the house, so that I can use that as well.

I have to present my French blog to my French class this week, possibly today. I hope not today. I’d rather pretend to pay attention and really just do some writing today. Until I get my novel back, I’m trying hard not to care by spending my writing time on journaling, on song lyrics, and on writing the bedtime stories my dad used to make up for me and my sister. Those are going to be fabulous fairy tales when they’re done, I can just feel it.

hello, muse; nice to have you back

Just before noon, I rode my bicycle back to campus for choir and French. As I got to a stoplight, I started hearing a little melody in my head, and some good harmony for it. I couldn’t tell if it was a song I just couldn’t remember the words for, or if it was something I was making up. I hate that. After I passed the light and I was on campus, lyrics came to me as well. I had all but one line for the hook I had come up with, so I put a sort of cliché placeholder in, but it may stay.

I’m pretty sure that this song doesn’t exist. I hope it doesn’t. I love this chorus, and at some point I will write the verses. It’s a little “The Chain”-like, but I’m thinking that’s mostly because it’s a waltz, and all waltzes sound somewhat the same. There’re just common progressions that tend to occur.

It feels good to be creative. I’m editing one of my short stories at the moment, and that also feels good. I’d rather not write my paper or read the surely crappy short stories I have to for my fiction workshop tomorrow, but as of now, I don’t have to work at Safe Ride for a week, so my nights are mine. Just two more days and it’s a long weekend, where I will be housesitting on the edge of town in a gorgeous, artistic house. I can’t wait for more inspiration to hit me. And I may go diving into old journals and old, old poems. It’s so good to be a writer again.

——
Also, a cute email I received from my uncle:

mr. a-z, oh sweet anna, and me

So I went to the Jason Mraz Trio concert on Monday. As far as I can understand it, it was a pretty last minute thing added to the tour, and it was more stripped than his big Phoenix show the night before. He opened with “Unfold,” which made me really happy, and he also started playing around with his guitar, saying he was going to do a surprise, and just as I was going to yell out “1000 Things” as a guess, that’s what it turned into. So, it was pretty fabulous.

I went with Anna, Maria, and Maria’s boyfriend. It took forever for Jason to come out, and there was no opening act, so we spent lots of time standing near the front of the stage, acting silly and drinking beer. The concert was great, though the set was really short, and the encore was “Butterfly” and another song that I’m almost positive I have on one of his EPs, but now I can’t find it.

After the show, we stood outside the Rialto forever waiting for him to come out. We actually passed the open backstage door, and we were so dumb that we walked past and then realized what it was, but when we went back, it was shut. Jason’s backup singer/drummer came out and spoke with a lot of us, and he was pretty cool. Jason finally came out for like five minutes, didn’t really talk to anyone, and was completely blazed.

I obviously do not have a real problem with marijuana, within reason. For example, I prefer it to cigarettes and harder drugs. Whatever you want to do to have fun or relax is fine, as long as you don’t always resort to it. But Jason Mraz is 31. At 31, even if you do have a successful career and you’re obviously not a fuckup, it’s a little unattractive to be that stoned. I managed to get him to sign my shirt, but he didn’t sign any of my friends’ stuff, and he wouldn’t pose for pictures.

I’m sure it must get really annoying after awhile to go from place to place and have silly teenage girls screaming and telling you they love you. I’m sure I didn’t quite help by offering to show my boobs to anyone who worked at the Rialto who would let me backstage. Ha. But it’s ungracious to be that disrespectful to your fans. Maybe he would have rather not come out, and he just felt he had to since there were lots of people there. But damnit, you signed up for this, and part of your job as a famous musician is not only to be a musician but to be famous as well, within reason. I have lost a lot of respect for Mr. A-Z, which is sad, because he is one of my favorite musicians. So clever, so funny, such a good voice, but with ungracious and with kind of crappy stage presence.

Anyway. It’s still always nice to go to a concert and remember that I, too, am a musician, and I should be working on stuff. And not just my theory homework.

Last night was Open Mic Night at Espresso Art, and dear Anna played, along with some of her friends, and some other people. Anna did fabulously, as did everyone. It was, I was told, the best Open Mic Night people had ever seen there. There was only one person who was even remotely uninteresting, and even he was very talented at his instrument, even if his voice wasn’t the best. So I thoroughly enjoyed myself, and so did the boyfriend, and we hung out with some work friends, some other friends, etc. Smoked some hookah, drank some chai, enjoyed some music.

I really need to get on writing. Maybe by next semester, I’ll have some songs and some confidence to perform at Open Mic myself.

the musiclife

Maroon 5 is going to release their third studio album in December and then they’re breaking up. It’ll be called “The Lovelife.” I’m not sure where they announced this, but it’s on Wikipedia, so it must be true. I get that all good things must come to an end, and it must get old doing the same old, same old for a long period of time, even if you make a bunch of money, but it’s still very sad. I hope they go on tour for the final album, since I missed the show that was just on in September, and the Super Bowl show was madly disappointing.

What they didn’t mention is that one of the reasons they are breaking up is that Adam Levine and I are going to record an album together. Our voices do mesh well, after all. :-p

I actually think they do. My choirs have a concert tomorrow, so our new conductors were listening to our voices to decide on placement on the risers. I, of course, am always on the end, because my voice does not mix well with anyone else’s. I think I should be near the boys, because I have such a low alto range that I’m pretty much a tenor anyway. I sound better with a guy than a girl pretty much any time. Strangely, now that I have a cold, I have a pretty good head voice, and I’m hitting high Fs in one of our songs better than I did before. It’s the low notes I can’t do. I’m sure we learned about this in linguistics last year and I’m just forgetting what the reason is, but it seems strange to lose your lower notes but not your top notes when you have a cold. I guess it makes sense that since a cold is in your chest, your chest voice goes first? I dunno.

Mr. Levine, whenever you’re bored, you can just come down to Tucson and give me a few songwriting lessons. Just drop me a line or give me a call.

forgetfulness

It’s like I’ve forgotten how to write in a journal. It’s always intimidating when you start a new paper journal; clearly a new online one is no different. I’ve had my LJ since eighth grade, so to start something new after six years is a little daunting.

I’m on the edge of my seat constantly. I want to be writing, and I really should be working on my French blog or my short story for my fiction class, both of which are due on September 30, which is conveniently a day when I will not be at school because it’s Rosh Hoshanah. But even though my short story has nothing to do with anything I’ve written before taking this class, I’m reluctant to start writing again. Over the summer my computer crashed, and even though I had everything backed up on a flash drive, all my stuff was lost. I got a new hard drive, the computer guys said I could hire someone who could likely get everything off of my old, broken hard drive (albeit for a four-figure price, most likely), and I plugged in my flash drive to get my novel out. Lo and behold, it has crashed and deleted as well. If all my files are deleted, I think I’m quitting writing. Really. This book is too important to me, and this is not the first time I have had computer problems that have deleted my work. What kills me this time is that I was actually backing things up, and the backup failed as well. Anyway. Until I know if that’s being fixed (apparently a moonlighting computer guy has it now; I kind of just wanted to go with the expensive guys, as they’re kind of a guarantee), I hate the idea of starting new things. I desperately want my writing back.

I’m trying to read a lot, though. And lately I’ve had a songwriting kick. It’s never full songs, but I’m working on it. I got a book on how to use Garage Band from the library, so actually opening that could be helpful. And I have bits and pieces of what could be lots and lots of songs. I’m trying, really. And now that I’m taking music theory, I’m hoping I’ll be better at that. First-species counterpoint kicked my ass this week, but I’m blaming it on being sick and missing lots of class. That may not be it, but that’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.

I do have two short story ideas, though, which is perfect, because I have to write two this semester. I’m terrible at short fiction, but maybe I’ll get better. The other thing I miss from my computer is the two or so years of saved PostSecrets, which are not archived, so I can’t get them back. Those are the best inspiration for stories, hands down. I suggest you check it out.